just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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