The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
