feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Less talking, more tequila
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
