So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
