So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
