You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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