Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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