Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
