I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
