Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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