dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
