Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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