Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
