Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
