Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Randomize
