The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
