Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
