I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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