I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
