We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
