Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
