PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize