Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
