To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
