My first STD was from a foam party
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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