naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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