They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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