im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
