and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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