Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
