I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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