I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
