My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
