i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
