Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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