tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize