Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
