I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize