I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you never un-have a 4some
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
