Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
