Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
