You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bring me that man meat
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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