yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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