i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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