A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
