I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
