By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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