just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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