My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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