gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
