dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
