i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
