He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
