I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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