i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
