explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
