Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
