At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
