Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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