I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
