We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
