I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
