I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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