apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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