Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
