I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
